It's that time of year again. The time of year where Christmas bells are in the air, people are filled with holiday cheer, and Airports....well Airports are filled with some of the most miserable bastards this world has ever seen.
Unfortunately I had to fly from my home in San Diego back to Hartford, CT. I thought my main problem would be stopping in Detroit until I realized I didn't have a license. I was going to have to go through inspections with Birth Certificate only. When I got to the TSA line, who by the way look way more suspicious than anyone standing in line, a little sweat was dripping from my brow. I showed my birth certificate and was let through....with one tiny exception. They were taking me into a room to strip search me.
The first thing that dove right into my mind was obviously please don't get a cavity search. I'm 25 years old and proud to say that nothing has ever gone up my ass. They took me in the room and I was waiting for the snap of a rubber glove on a cold TSA hand, but it hadn't come. They did however start ripping apart my carry-on, wallet, and phone. That's when I heard the words. The words I thought would change my life forever. "Take off your clothes." I stripped down to my boxers in this tiny airport room in Hartford, CT but the glove never came! The glove never came!
I had passed the test even without getting a finger up my ass. I was finally off to Detroit. Probably the only place in the United States that rivals getting an enema.
So wise words for anyone traveling this Winter. Make sure you bring a picture ID of yourself. Otherwise you could have a TSA agent rummaging through your anus.
P.S.- Part 2 Horror over the Midwest Coming soon.
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