Saturday, January 9, 2016

Hoyer's Abysmal Performance

That had to be the worst Quarterbacking performance in NFL Playoff history.  Many people think Brian Hoyer doesn't look like he's an NFL Starting Quarterback.  Some say he looks like the kicker, the punter, or the peanut guy walking through stands.  Tonight Hoyer had 4 more interceptions then hairs on his head.

Why Hoyer was allowed to stay in the game is beyond me?  You're telling me a guy with 3 first half turnovers, and the fans booing him is going to come back and light it up in the 2nd half against one of the best Defenses in the league?!  Even Deandre Hopkins wish he had that drunk Ryan Mallet back throwing to him, but I heard he was picking up Jadeveon Clowney somewhere along the Houston Highway.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

My Hollywood Ending for Sons of Anarchy

Remember when Gemma got raped by those Nazis?  Ahhh those were the days.  I'm really starting to hate her more than any other character in the history of television...Even Skylar White.  I hope Gemma catches Chucky masturbating and he ends up strangling her to death with his plastic hands.

After which Jax is riding from Gemma's grave to Tara's grave when his clutch gets stuck sending him torpedoing face first into Tara's tombstone.  Jax hits the grave sight with so much force his SOA rings , which he likes to leave on tombstones, are lodged into his eye sockets and Tara's body nearly surfaces back above ground.  Tara's body is then dug up by an amateur metal detector patron.  The man was receiving heavy silver reading over the grave which turned out to be a Giant barbecue fork still lodged in Tara's head.      

Tig ends up riding by the Cemetary massacre on his way back from Gemma's ceremony and kills the Metal Detector for what he's done.  However he can't control himself, screws Tara's dead body, catches Ebola and dies.  Chibs lives happily ever after with the Cop but still has to pay her for sex, and Juice hangs himself.  Third times the charm.  

P.S--Clay's been alive the whole time and in a shocking turn of events is living with John Teller in a Chateau in Ireland.  In a miraculous story of the body's will to live, John Teller survived the truck crash even after breaking every bone in his body.  His bike exploded and he was welded to the bottom of a truck for 16 years living off roadkill, insects, and rain water.  He was finally dislodged on a speed bump and rushed to the hospital.  After having all of his limbs removed he reunited with Clay and became Clay's favorite "Spinner".  JT and Clay shared a bond stronger than most due to the hatred of that Queef Gemma.  Bobby dies of obesity and Nero is deported while vacationing in Arizona.  

P.P.S--Opie's wife continues to get filled.  She can get it.  Also, turns out Abel was retarded all along, the viewers were right.   

Monday, June 16, 2014

RIP Tony Gwynn

The City of San Diego, and the entire Nation mourns for Tony Gwynn today.  Tony passed away at the tender age of 54 years old.  Tony was fighting a cancer he developed from decades of doing Dip and other Chewing tobacco   He was the Coach of San Diego State's baseball team and was absolutely loved in this City.  He is without a doubt the greatest player to put on a Padre's uniform, and to this day is the only one the Padres opened their wallets for to stay in San Diego.

He was a career .338 hitter, which is incredible, and an even better teammate.  In 1994 he hit an astounding .394.  No one has come close to hitting than since and to be honest we probably will never see an average that high again.  The guy proved that anyone can make it in baseball as long as you can hit.  He wasn't in great shape, wasn't very fast, and wasn't great defensively.  However he had an unreal talent of putting the ball in play and getting on base.  He is one of the greatest contact hitters/hitters in general of all time.  Hence why he is a First Ballot Hall of Famer.  I've heard stories that Tony and his brother grew up playing wiffle ball, using the smallest bat and balls possible.  They would scuff the hell out of the balls to get crazy movement on them.  The same technique Justin Wentworth, Danny Ranfone, Dave Kresge and I would use at Wenway Park A.K.A. The Swamp.  He would also hit pennies, caps, and marbles with a broom handle to work on his hand eye coordination.  

We may never see a type of player like Gwynn in the MLB again.  These days everything is about how you look on paper on what your upside can potentially be down the road, and that's how it is in all Sports.  Combine results and Showcases (for baseball prospects) seem to be more important to Coaches and GM's than a player's actual results on the field.  Tony was never a flashy player, wasn't fast, and didn't have much power, so I'm thankful he played in a time when the eye test and a player's production on the field were the most important aspects in recruiting prospects.

All over San Diego today people are wearing Padres throwbacks and Tony Gwynn jerseys.  He is probably the most beloved athlete ever to come out of our beautiful city, a tough task to accomplish after being born in Los Angeles.  He stayed in San Diego too and was currently living hear up until his death.  Tony was very active in the community with his charity work, baseball clinics, and the work he put in at the bars and beaches as well.  Almost every bar in PB has a framed Tony Gwynn picture from the night he graced that particular bar with his presence.  He even coached the SDSU Aztecs and was the Head Coach there when Stephen Strasburg put up unthinkable pitching statistics,  stats the World hadn't seen since Joe Cesarin's dominate career at Garden City High School, New York.  Strasburg became a spectacle and media circus every time he touched the mound, and his humble approach to the game and fame stemmed straight from his Head Coach and Friend, Tony Gwynn.  Speaking of Joe "Dirt" Cesarini, let's talk about dipping(chewing tobacco.)

Unfortunately the cancer that killed Tony was developed from years of chewing tobacco.  In fact he had several surgeries on his face, lips, gums, teeth, and cheeks before the cancer finally took his life.  Base Hits and dipping went together for Tony Gwynn like Sigfried and Roy.  They are both great but eventually the latter of them will lead to your face getting ripped off.  As an avid dipper I'm taking tomorrow off as a "Dip of Silence" and will actually try and go as long as I can without dipping.  I'd start today but I'm writing this with a mouth full of Grizzly Mint.  This story hits home to a lot of baseball and hockey players who enjoy dipping and chewing Redman, but I feel a very personal connection to it.  For one my mom is 54 years old, like Gwynn, and my Father turns 54 in July.  I couldn't imagine losing them, especially to something that could have been avoided.  The other connection of course is that I dip constantly.  I've switched to pouches but still not a day goes by where I don't have a least one lip.

Tony Gwynn was taken from us far too soon, and I don't want to end up like that, so I'm going to really try and stop doing chewing tobacco.  The City of San Diego lost its Golden Boy today.  There are streets, restaurants, and even Micro Brews named after Tony Gwynn. You'll see a Gwynn jersey at Petco at every single home game and there is a statue of Tony in the kids park in Center Field.  "You stay Classy San Diego" is a reference to Gwynn and the type of guy he was.  We lost a great ball player, person, and San Diegan today and I know for sure the City feels it.  RIP Tony you will be missed.

P.S.--I was talking on the phone with my friend Ben Freedman earlier today.  Ben is not sports fan but was born and raised in San Diego, and like most people who are born here never left.  A true San Diegan through and through.  If he's going to watch a game it's most likely because we are forcing him to do so, or we're partying at the stadium with our crew.  I told Ben, "San Diego lost one its most beloved citizens today."  Ben's answer, "Ohhh no, Did Tony Gwynn die.?"  You didn't have to be a sports fan to respect, know, and love Tony Gwynn.  He was San Diego's Golden Boy and he will surely be missed.


Monday, June 9, 2014

Husband and Wife Die in Head-on Collision With Each Other

Huffington Post--

A young Texas couple was killed when their two cars collided head-on.

The accident took place on Wednesday morning, three miles away from Odell, Texas, on County Road 87, according to the Times Record.

Nicolas Cruz, 31, and 26-year-old Kristina Munoz were both pronounced dead at the scene.

"It appears speed and the layout of the road, including a hill crest, are going to be factors in the cause of the accident,” Department of Public Safety Trooper Jymie Ha told the Record.

The Arizona Republic reports that neither Cruz nor Munoz were wearing seat belts, according to authorities.

Cruz's Facebook indicates he married Munoz in the Spring of last year.

The Police can say whatever they want happened here, but I know a game of Chicken when I see one. Layout of the road, a hill, coincidentally passing each other between their shifts at the farm the couple worked at...Give me a break. The couple had 3 kids and had been married for only 1 year. I bet that didn't sit too well with old Nicolas Cruz. So what did he do? Like any self respecting man he challenged his wife to a duel. A game of Chicken in the family cars. Seat Belts off! However the outcome of this Game of Chicken was more like the fight between The Red Viper and The Mountain.

I did some additional research and found out that The Husband was driving a pick up truck and The Wife was driving a Saturn. I always thought Saturns were made from recycled bathtubs, but apparently they're as lethal as Jupiter Missiles. Must have mixed up their planets.

P.S.-In all seriousness it sucks 3 kids got orphaned from this. I really hope they don't get separated or lost in the System. RIP to the deceased.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Kings vs. Rangers Game 2 Preview and It's Not Looking Good For The Boys In Blue

All of the analysts and fair weather hockey fans said the Kings would come out sluggish in Game 1.  That the Black Hawks series was far too draining, not to mention it was the Kings third series of this post season to be decided in 7 games.  But what did the Kings do?  They battled back from a 2-0 deficit to win Game One 3-2 on the back of Jonathan Quick yet again.  I mean what a phenomenal save on Hagelin's breakaway in the final minutes of the game.  Quicky has that switch that he can flip on and off, similiar to Lebron James.  Not too many people have that.  If he lets up a few goals early, Stugatz (foooogrrrget bout it), he knows he has the team to back him up.  That's when Quicky goes into lock down mode, and becomes tougher to get by than the Bouncers in Pacific Beach.  
The Kings are off to a great start at home thanks in large part to Justin Will iams.  The same Justin Williams who just surpassed Mark Messier and  The Great One: Wayne Gretzky as the all time points leader in Game 7's.  This 32 year old Canadian has been flying under the radar but really is an immense contributor to this Historic run the Kings are on.  Although a clutch player and hot goalie can carry the team for a period of time, and they cannot do it alone.
The Kings have the best 1st line in all of hockey!  Anze Kopitar is an absolute stud and is probably the best two way center in the lead.  Marion Gaborik has been an absolute beast since landing in LA.  He leads all scorers with 12 goals this playoffs.  That's not a typo 12 goals, and he for sure is not done.  Then there's the Captain, Dustin Brown, who is sometimes forgotten on a team filled with studs.  There is a reason this man wears the C on his chest.  He is a leader and a damn good player at that, hence why The Kings named his the youngest Captain ever, at the time, at 23 years old.  Along with Quicky Dustin carried the Kings to the Stanley Cup in 2012.  They defeated the heavily favored #1 seed Vancouver Canucks with Dustin scoring not 1 but 2 short handled goals in a critical game.  He ended the 2012 playoffs with 12 goals and 8 assists.  It's not surprise the Kings have reached The Western Conference Finals 3 years in a row and are now playing for their Second Stanley Cup in 3 years.  
Shortly after their 2012 Championship they signed Dustin Brown to an 8 year 47 million contract extension, Quick signed a 10 year 70 million contract shortly after, ohh yeh and Kopitar signed a 7 year $48 million dollar after that.  Talk about a chain reaction that most likely gave every Kings executive a wet dream.  Their 3 best players locked up for at least 7 more years.  Is it shocking they're back in the finals?  Absolutely not.  They were also able to keep Drew Doughty who is really starting to come into his own.  I was shocked to find out he is only 24 years old, I feel like he was playing in the league for as long as Aaron Craft was at Ohio State or Scottie Reynolds was at Villanova.  Aaron Craft coming back for his 14th year?  Well Turns out Doughty has been a contributor on The Kings since 2008 when he was 18 years old!!  This Kings Team is Young, Big, and Fast and locked up for years to come.  They will be a force in the West for the next decade if not THE FORCE, and adding the Great Marion Gaborik to this team was like throwing Wild Fire onto the recent San Diego Fires.  What an addition The Czechoslovakian has been.  12 goals and 7 assits.  Bet the Rangers wish they held onto Gaborik now.
However the Rangers are a good team and it will not be an easy road for the Kings to win the Stanley Cup, although I do think they will.  In face I'm so positive they will win that if the Kings do lose I will swallow a live Gold Fish and posit it on a blog in the near future.  If someone else has a worse a punishment  hell I'll d that instead.  Tweet your suggestions @ToddVito18  

It'll be great to get back veteran defenseman Robyn Regehr to compliment Doughty.  According to all reports he's suiting up for Game 2 in LA.  If this Kings win this game series is over, Kings play even better on the Road than they do at home.  Then again they just play awesome everywhere.  Rangers have a tough task on their hands, but one thing is for sure they should have never gotten rid of Marion Goborik and they should have been paying Quicky and Dustin Brown under the table in Prep Schhol to come play for The Rangers.  Both of those guys grew up in the Rangers backyard.  Not MSG's backyard which includes a Subway system and a concrete jungle, I mean the place with grass,  and Rangers fans are smoking Grass if they think they're going to win this Series.  Kings in 5.

P..S--I hope Donald Silver is a huge Kings Fan.  The Kings are without a doubt the best team that plays in The Staples Center, and none of their players have AIDS.  I'm pumped for this game, because each game is going to be exciting and down to the final minutes if not sudden death in OT.  But the Kings just have that "It" Factor, the ability to battle back like no other team in the NHL.  3 Game 7 Road wins in the West and they know what it takes to win a Championship.  These Kings play like a team that knows they're going to win, even Tommen Barathean would take a back seat to the boys in Black.  

Double P.S.--If the Rangers win Henrik Lundqvist should forever be known as the King Slayer.   

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Heat vs. Spurs Preview: The Champs Are Here

There have not been many teams to Three-Peat in the NBA Finals.  In fact up to this point only The Lakers, Bulls, and Celtics have ever done it.  The Heat have the chance to be immortalized and it all starts tonight in San Antonio.  Mark my words, "The Heat will win this Series in 6 games and become only the 4th team to ever Three-Peat."  I mean Pat Riley coined the damn phrase for Christ's Sake.  He knew what he was doing when he masterminded this team.  He is the GodFather and the rest of the Heat personnel is forever connected to his strings.  The Ultimate Puppeteer, he was even able to rope Lebron James in.

Lebron Fucking James.  He is the greatest player in our generation.  Never has there been such a combination of Speed, Size, Strength, Agility, and Coordination.  Well maybe Marty Kissel and Geary Claxton circa 2005, but I digress.  People nay Vegas thinks that The Spurs are going to win this series in 7 games?  Sure they have Home Court Advantage, but they do not have Lebron James.  Lebron can win a game in so many ways and he's surrounded by phenomenol shooters, not too mention the Greatest Shooter of all Time in Ray Allen.  Uconn Represent!!  This Heat team has studs all around.  In my opinion 4 Hall of Famers in James, Wade, Allen, and Bosh compared to The Spurs who might have 2.  Ray Allen hit a clutch 3 to send it to a game 7 that The Heat still had to win.  Ohh yeh a Game 7 where Lebron James had 37 Pts, 12 Reb, 4 Ast, and 2 Stl.  How many times did Robert Horry bail Kobe and Shaq out, bail Duncan out, bail Parker out?  Kerr and Pippen bailed Jordan out all the time.

Heat are going to win this Series, their 4th in a row, and continue to come out of the East for the next 5 years.  The ceiling with this team is endless because who wouldn't want to come play with Lebron James.  Ray Allen sure did.  He's a shooters dream.  A freight train that needs to be double teamed with eyes in the back of his head.  Dude is literally the best passer in the NBA.  Well James and my main man Ricky Rubio.  So please put the Jordan comparisons aside and watch The best player in the Game lead his Team to another Championship and etch his name into that stupid fuckin Mount Rushmore everyone is talking about.  Sit back and enjoy we've got a Dynasty on our hands.

P.s.  We need the Birdman to be Healthy.  He is our best Rim Protector and The Spurs....well the Spurs are large.  However if need be I'm sure Lebron and Wade will guard the Rim because they are the best shot blocking 2 and 3 guard/forwards in the game no question.  Not to mention we got Greg Oden looking prettttty prettttttty good.  Right Larry David?  One thing's for sure Thank You Jesus Shuttlesworth we don't have to face Luis Scola again.  Hallelujah!  Luis Scola is one of the best scorers in the NBA, but the Pacers don't seem to notice his abilities.  Sure he'll get dunked on and burned on defense 60% of the time, but if I need a clutch performer to hit a big shot I'm taking Luis Scola.  Luckily Scola isn't on the Spurs which means Lebron is on his way to his 4th title.  Just give the Heat the trophy now.  Heat in 6: Hollla

The King From Hamden, CT

Although they may call the Rangers Goalie the King, he is not the one who wears the Noble name on his Jersey.  Jonathan Quick proved yet again that he can rise to the occasion and make spectacular, unorthodox, down right insane saves in key moments.  I think Jonathan should just put slayer on his back in tribute to Jamie Lannister for the treason he is about to commit on his boyhood team The Rangers.  
This series really hits home for me.  Growing up in North Haven, CT, the bordering town of the Immortal in his prime Jonathan Quicks' hometown I too grew up rooting for the Rangers.  However since my move out West and watching this King's team with my college friend at the anchor accomplish things on the ice that no one ever deemed possible really began to sway my fan ship towards the Kings.  I would have loved to see him play at Quinnipiac.  I wonder if they even gave him an offer.  Rand Pecknold has such a Canadian fetish.  Rand would recruit Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles, and possibly Randy and Lahey before he even sniffed around for talent in his own backyard.  I heard Terrance and Phillip turned down QU scholarship offers in the early 90's.   
2 years ago The Kings shocked the World as an 8 seed and won the Cup with Quick literally carrying the team on his back the entire way.  This year they ran into a dominant San Jose team who seemed like this might be the year they finally win the cup, and it sure looked that way when they went up 3-0.  Yet the Gritty Morons (of the modern day for our Red Sox Fans out there) found a way to buckle down and become  only the 4th team EVER in any sport to come back to win the series down 3-0.  After which The Kings engaged in two more Seven Game Wars against he Ducks and the reigning Champion Chicago Black Hawks, winning them both.  
Game 7 against the BlackHawks proved how tough and relentless this Kings team really is.  They were down 2-0, battled back to tie it up, down 3-2, didn't matter tied it up, down 4-3 late in the third...Why is everyone panicking?  Of course we're going to tie this game up, and in a game 7 with Johnny Quick and Justin Williams, on the road no less, victory was inevitable for The Kings of destiny.  They won this series without arguably their best player even scoring out Rangers Kopitar is due for a big series.  
It's Pretty obvious that Marion Gaborik pulled The Sword out of the Stone upon his arrival in Los Angeles.  He has 19 pts in the playoffs so far 12 goals and 9 assists.  Drew Doughty has been an absolute beast in these playoffs and might be the best scoring defense man since Brian Leach.  However this is not going to be an easy series and I'm predicting the Kings will have to win an unthinkable 4th 7 Game Series of this Playoffs.
The Rangers are a good team, even better than Anaheim in my opinion although many people will disagree with me.  I didn't like it the Callahan/St. Louis trade at first howwever it has worked out brilliantly and Nash is starting be to more like the player we thought he would yet he needs to step it up if they're going to have a chance.  Boyle is a bruiser who can move and score, and Hagelen is faster than Kenny Woo and Benny the Jet combined  Then of course there is Henrik Lunqvist, an absolute stud in net.  Guy is the Swedish version of Derek Jeter, but better looking, no homo, and not half black.  I'm a huge fan of Swedish Meatballs, Ikea, and tall hot blonds, but this guy is the best thing to come out of Sweden since Professor Gerald Lambo from Good Will Hunting, Stellan Skarsgard.  Then again Skarsgard did open a portal for Loki's army that nearly destroyed earth, and Stellan's son did turn into a Vampire. 
Well one thing is for sure this is going to be one hell of a series with incredible goal tending.  Quick is an absolute menace in net with his own unique absurdly aggressive style maybe only similar to that of Dominik Hasek.  Lundqvist is more of your traditional butterfly goalie who uses his size to his advantage, although he too is quite aggressive in net, and he sprays his opponents with water bottles.  
What more could you ask for in the Quest for Lord Stanley's Cup?  East Coast West Coast.  2 of the NHL most Valuable franchises. Tupac vs.Biggie, the two best goal tenders in the game today, the best 1st line in all of hockey, and two teams who aren't afraid to dive in front of pucks. 
 The Rangers may have guarded the Wall for a Thousand years but Ned Stark is dead and there is a new King beyond the wall.